moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
