It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
