I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
