It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
