put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
