Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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