He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
