My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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