pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
