Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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