Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
