I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
