Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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