its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
