Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
