I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
