Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
