his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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