i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I take back everything I said about communal showers
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
