so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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