I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
