I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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