I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
