Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
