Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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