Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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