i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
