This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize