I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
