At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
