shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
