she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
