My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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