Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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