My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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