Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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