just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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