You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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