I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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