So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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