took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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