guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
