The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
