i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
