girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
