Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
