Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
