i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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