i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
