I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
