then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
