girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
