I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
