I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
