My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I stole a fireplace last night.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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