Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
