I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
