....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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