I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
