Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
