Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
