tell your sister to shave her snatch
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
