I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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