Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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