Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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