the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
