A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
