Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
