Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
