do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize