I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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