I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
someone owes me an orgasm
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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