There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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