You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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