Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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