my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
