my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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