i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
