So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
