Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she smelled like a LAN party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
