So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
