I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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