Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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