We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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