I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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