Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
