You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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